Thursday 9 April. My left boob now has a hole the size of a one-pound coin, which is not getting any better. It doesn’t hurt but it has me worried.
My partner and I arrive to see Mr P. Once again we join the crowd of patients waiting to check in at the outpatients desk. This time is worse. One of the people behind the desk is in a strop and makes a point of eating a sandwich while people wait. Yes you guessed it. We got her. English is not her first language and she uses this to make life difficult. No eye contact. Lots of sighing as if the patients are only there to cause her trouble and when she finally finds my file it is thrown into the appropriate basket. She then sends us to the wrong waiting area. I have to physically prevent my partner from grabbing her and slapping her face. Eventually we get to see Mr P. First we get the results from the biopsy. Once again Mr P is charming but the news is mixed. He has removed all the cancer in the breast with clear margins so no need to do any more surgery there but he removed two lymph nodes and one of them has cancer cells in it. This means another operation to do what is known as a Level II axillary dissection – taking a pad of fat and anything up to 20 more lymph nodes from the armpit with the associated risks of lymphodema. He does commiserate saying that I am very unlucky for the cancer to have spread from such a small tumour…but it is the beastly ‘invasive’ bit.
OK - strangely this was not a shock. I seem to have a premonition about what these results will be so I feel I can handle them.
We discuss dates for the next operation. My partner and I want to take our booked holiday to Spain. Mr P agrees and we plump for 15 May - two days after we get back from Spain.
Next he has a look at the wound. I can tell he is not happy. This reflects on him. The flucloxicillin doesn’t seem to be working. The nurse takes a swab to find out what the bug is and I will come back in a few days time to see where we go with this.
One thing I have been determined to do is not let the cancer define me – who I am. I want to carry on as normally as I can. The cancer is a side issue. But just at the moment the infection is getting to me…much more than the cancer. I need to get this sorted.
I start working from home on 13 April – a fairly gentle way in but part of getting some normality back. I will go into the office next week.
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